I continue to enjoy C’s company without craving it. She’s fun to be around, but… no connection. Maybe for some reason I am holding back. I am just stuck on this issue a lot because it’s never really happened to me before.
But dear me can she suck a cock. It’s a shame that she seems adamantly monogamistic, because one of my own (fairly fresh) kinks with a good little cocksucker is wanting to share her gift and watch her go down on other men. One never knows though; perhaps in time, the fact that as many times as I cum in her mouth it never seems to be enough will be something to turn that concept on with her. On the other hand, it’s possible that she’s zeroed in on this as an expression of affection from me that she’s not getting as much as she desires verbally.
I’ve been working at the edges of her bottoming, forcing her to cum twice now, and doing sort of a not-directly-sexual spanking “scene”. Again, back to my concern that every step into new territory I take her on is going to be a further point of attachment for her, I feel slightly guilty that it is purely the enjoyment of slwoly and gently “breaking her in” that’s working for me.
In other news… I’ve been talking to someone else. Someone who wants very much to fill my desire for D/lg and ageplay, and is actually just barely young enough that the D/lg doesn’t *have* to be ageplay. I’ll call her M. She knows I already have C, and living somewhat distant, she is ok with that with a tinge of jealousy. As I was leaving to see C yesterday, I told M that we’d have to stop our text conversation for a while. Her reply was that C wouldn’t mind her texting or calling me if she thought she was my actual daughter. It’s a terribly “wrong” twist that had both of us squirming at the idea of actually doing it.
I’m almost more drawn to M than I am to C, but I have a lot of reasons to not be. The distance for one, I don’t want to go through a third lesson regarding that. She’s also squirrely, and as I hinted at above, very drawn toward riding the edge of taboo. From her perspective, I don’t have to choose her over C. She, if anything, likes the idea that I “need” sex enough that I’d want to keep a local relationship going, and with this new idea, not only an excuse to talk to and to see her, but also to do so while making C unwittingly part of our “play”. That is terribly wrong on a lot of levels, but I can’t deny that it’s also very hot for me.
Always feast or famine… and always complicated. Maybe that’s just the way I really like things. Got to keep this brain active after all 
