Going home after

In my D/s experience, more so than vanilla relationships, parting company is always problematic. Even in a non-long-distance relationship, just going home at the end of an evening together seems to bring out the clingiest, neediest, brattiest, controlling behaviors from subs.

I understand wanting to be with Daddy/Sir/Master as much as possible, but does every parting-of-ways have to drag out or prompt corrective action? It’d be a different story if there weren’t reasons why I’m not staying overnight tonight that have already been discussed. It’d be different if I said I’d stay longer then left early. It’d be different if we didn’t already have plans for when our next time together will be.

I’m about to start setting a strict time limit for every visit I have with C, and possibly even go so far as to deny myself visits with her when she acts up as punishment. I know she feels that she is more attached than I am, but that’s not why I am driving home at 10pm instead of sleeping over, and the constant attempts to guilt me into staying or trying to negotiate with me are getting annoying.

Submission

Wow, 3 posts in one morning, hm?

Lately I find myself thinking sometimes that for just the right person, maybe I could sub.

I’m not a masochist, I don’t like being bound, orgasm denial/restriction seems pretty pointless to me, but there is this odd set of circumstances, scenes, ideas that I can imagine being in a  submissive role for.

It’s weird and I am not entirely sure how to process it or if it is remotely worth any second thought at all due to the specificity of it all, but there ya go.

Getting into trouble

I really think I must be bored.

I think I got over the cruelty toward C thing that Ispoke of in my last post, but still, I find myself trying to decide whether I want to bend and break a few of her limits, at the risk of offending/losing her, and I certainly am having trouble being loyal…

I don’t want to get into the details of it for a couple reasons, but I’ve been playing some Dom games and having some sexual encounters with my ex-wife that have nothing to do with getting back together and everything to do with taking advantage of her current weaknesses/relationship just for fun and release.

I’ve also been talkign again with someone far away, we’ll call her M, who is a lot younger than myself (but legal!) and who meets and even challenges my own perversion in so many ways… if she lived closer I think I’d have made my decision already.

Sometimes, I want to be cruel…

I have a hard time deling with a sub who is a needy doormat.

C has been generally enjoyable, but one thing she is is a bit needy. She wants me to be with her more often than I can be… Wants me to stay longer than I should…

The other thing she is, is a bit of a doormat. It seems that I can’t offend or upset her, no matter what I do. Not that I am purposefully trying to hurt her, but, stupid as it might sound to some to come from a Dom, I need her to give me some limits.

Recently, I hit a real wall about my feelings for her. It was sort of a stupid situation. We’d had sex and fallen asleep together for a short while. She woke or stirred and it woke me up and I told her I wanted my cock sucked. I did, but honestly I was in a sort of a state wherein I didn’t actually care much whether I came or not, I just wanted to feel her mouth on me for a while.

She started, and after a while started to ask if she was doing soemthing wrong, and what did I need her to do in order to cum, that she wanted me to cum, etc. I really didn’t need to cum at all, and I wasn’t sure if I could anyway, but one thing I was aware of was that my need to urinate was starting to dominate the sensations I felt in the region. The internal trouble began when I told her that I thought maybe I just needed to get up and pee first, and she fought back with the assertion that if I got up for that I’d probably decide just to get dressed and go home anyway since it was late, which was probably a reasonable observation as I did need to head home fairly soon anyway.

The whininess made me want to be cruel. She’s made it quite clear that she wants absolutely nothing to do with “watersports”, but what I wanted to do more than anything at that moment was to hold her head down and command her to suck and swallow while I relieved my bladder down her throat, and then make her keep sucking me until I came. I didn’t think she had relaxed her views about urine, and I hoped not. I wanted to take her choice in the matter away as some sort of punishment for placing so much of her identity into pleasing me.

It sounds stupid I am sure, being mad at her for wanting to please me. Wanting to violate her “rules” about our sex life in order to see if she’d just cave and go along…

Yet, I held back, made her stop sucking me, held her and caressed her until I absolutely had to get up to pee, and then, yes, got dressed and left. Part of me wishes I’d taken the other tack – maybe I am just bored, or maybe I am cruel at heart. I don’t really know for sure.