Sometimes, I want to be cruel…

I have a hard time deling with a sub who is a needy doormat.

C has been generally enjoyable, but one thing she is is a bit needy. She wants me to be with her more often than I can be… Wants me to stay longer than I should…

The other thing she is, is a bit of a doormat. It seems that I can’t offend or upset her, no matter what I do. Not that I am purposefully trying to hurt her, but, stupid as it might sound to some to come from a Dom, I need her to give me some limits.

Recently, I hit a real wall about my feelings for her. It was sort of a stupid situation. We’d had sex and fallen asleep together for a short while. She woke or stirred and it woke me up and I told her I wanted my cock sucked. I did, but honestly I was in a sort of a state wherein I didn’t actually care much whether I came or not, I just wanted to feel her mouth on me for a while.

She started, and after a while started to ask if she was doing soemthing wrong, and what did I need her to do in order to cum, that she wanted me to cum, etc. I really didn’t need to cum at all, and I wasn’t sure if I could anyway, but one thing I was aware of was that my need to urinate was starting to dominate the sensations I felt in the region. The internal trouble began when I told her that I thought maybe I just needed to get up and pee first, and she fought back with the assertion that if I got up for that I’d probably decide just to get dressed and go home anyway since it was late, which was probably a reasonable observation as I did need to head home fairly soon anyway.

The whininess made me want to be cruel. She’s made it quite clear that she wants absolutely nothing to do with “watersports”, but what I wanted to do more than anything at that moment was to hold her head down and command her to suck and swallow while I relieved my bladder down her throat, and then make her keep sucking me until I came. I didn’t think she had relaxed her views about urine, and I hoped not. I wanted to take her choice in the matter away as some sort of punishment for placing so much of her identity into pleasing me.

It sounds stupid I am sure, being mad at her for wanting to please me. Wanting to violate her “rules” about our sex life in order to see if she’d just cave and go along…

Yet, I held back, made her stop sucking me, held her and caressed her until I absolutely had to get up to pee, and then, yes, got dressed and left. Part of me wishes I’d taken the other tack – maybe I am just bored, or maybe I am cruel at heart. I don’t really know for sure.