See what I get for bragging?The girl I’ve been seeing, after getting ehr procedure done , which nixes vaginal sex for a month, started having problems with ehr wisdom teeth and not only is she in miserable pain every day, she’ll probably be getting them out before she’s done healing from the other surgery.
Haha, life, you old trickster!
Sometimes the crabby old man inside me tries to take over. I find myself more and more often trying to force myself not to be him. But if we have to force ourselves to do something, well is that right either?
I just don’t find myself wanting to write. I rarely log in. It’s not that nothing’s going on, it’s not that too much is going on, I just don’t seem to care to discuss it.
I don’t know what is wrong with it.
I know a dozen things off the top of my head that are right with it.
She is good to me. So good. She adores everything I do. She supports me. She likes who I am.
I feel like I should leave before she is too reliant on me.
I fear that if I leave, it will be T all over again, that I will regret pushing her away and that the reason I do so will seem stupid in hindsight.
Am I just trying to keep other options open?
Am I just staying for the cuddles and blowjobs?
WTF is wrong with me?
So, I’ve been sort of dating this girl. It’s not a D/s thing precisely, though we’ve definitely broached the subject of Top/bottom in the bedroom. We haven’t actually had sex yet, just kissed a lot and discussed it.
Last night we were in her car making out after seeing a movie, when she broke off and got very serious, and announced to me that she has (genital only) herpes.
I’m a little bit unable to decide what to do.
On one hand, the chance of transmission is pretty low with precautions, I do like her, and I am attracted to her. I also have this (lame?) altruistic ideal that she doesn’t deserve to be sexually ostracized for this.
On the other hand, if I did catch it from her, and we didn’t stay together, I would be the one out there having to announce to everyone that I have herpes before they decide to be with me.
Further complicating this is that deciding whether or not to have sex with her was already at issue because I feel very much that she likes me a lot more than I like her.
Grrrr, life. Why can’t it get simple for a few damn months?
L went out to dinner and karaoke with friends for Valentine’s Day. At about 2am her time, she showed up on her IM, drunk and horny.
I believe I stuck a balance between teasing/arousing her and not jumping right into virtual bed with her.
We’ll see.
Yeah, I haven’t been posting much.
There’s a couple of reasons for this. One is that, being in a long-distance relationship wiht my L, there hasn’t been much to talk about. The second is that I’ve made a close acquaintance here whom I talk to through other channela and usually vent whatever I do have to talk about before I get here.
I’m going to work on being more present in this venue. If nothing else, I will have my upcoming visit with L this Friday to post about 
… and had a very nice time.
The relationship is going very well, though I have a few really minor concerns. I continue to worry about her having another slump, but like I said before, I am enjoying things as they are and just keeping my antennae up in case signals start to show. On thing that I am starting to notice is he continual state of surprise that I love and care for her and am not going to flip out and dump her the second she’s a little bit crabby or difficult. I guess I am a little concerned that someone who doesn’t feel they deserve love might be afraid to not respond in kind, regardless of her own feelings. Or this is just me trying to find a reason that my guard should be up. *shrugs*
We were restricted to one afternoon/evening of real “play” because of her roommate (we got a hotel for one night), and that went nicely. We mostly concentrated on new sensations for her. Being bound was a big one, as was flogging, which she was hesitant about but now likes better than the crop. We unfortunately had trouble with nipple clamps, as she has very tiny nipples. They just kept popping right out. I had picked the tweezer kind because they seemed like the best bet, but maybe a counterintuitive choice would work better nect time? It’s a shame because she likes nipple-play in general and really enjoyed what little use we did get out of the clamps. Wax dripping turned out to be overly painful for her.
I worked on trying to fist her again. I think this might be something we just always enjoy the process of without ever reaching the “goal”, which is absolutely fine. Getting her to the point where she wants more but can’t handle it has been enjoyable to both of us.
One thing we didn’t get to do that I had hoped to was to engage in some sort of semi-public adventure. Partly it was too cold to do anything remotely outside, partly we just weren’t out in public all that much, and when we were it just wasn’t a suitible situation. Another time, perhaps…
We did a lot of non-sexual stuff that was great too. Dining out of course, as we are both foodies, seeing a performance at Carnegie Hall, and just being together.
In a way I feel I’ve been remiss for not posting in over a week. On the other hand, there isn’t much going on.
L has been in much better spirits and we are both excited about my visit this coming week-end. We are only going to be able to have one day of serious BDSM play because of her roommate, but I think that’s a good proportion related to the length of my visit anyway.
The other day, a former sub messaged me, A. She keeps popping back up from time to time., usually seeking somewhere to vent about her curent Master. Very occasionally, liek this time, there is an aspect of her wanting to explore whether we can be together again. I think there are very few people in this world that can handle “yes I am with someone else now and no I don’t want to dump them to get back together” very well. She was a lot better about it this time than she was last time, I’ll give her that. Last time she was insistent that I could have her too and that if I didn’t take her I was abandoning her when she needed me and so forth. She did make the suggestion this time that I could Dom two different women at the same time, but wasn’t demanding and accepted my “no”.
I am sort of poly on a theoretical level, I just can’t see it working for me in practical terms.
